There is no I in team, Mastermind your serenity

So, I was talking about my Serenity yesterday. That is, my ability to stay centered and calm.

I didn’t do out of sheer strength of will.

I did it with a team. A Mastermind team.

My Sifu, John Graham, taught me that no one gets to the top by themselves. You need a team to do that.

The same holds true for Serenity.

If you want to stay stable, once you reach that stage, you need a Mentor. Someone that you will listen to. That means you have to be willing to submit to their advice and wisdom. You have to be willing to accept that you don’t know everything (despite having the internet in our phones!). You need someone that is willing to get to know you in all your seasons of mania and depression. You have to listen to them when they say, “Hey, I think you need to slow down. You’re getting a little too revved up.” Then, you have to act on what they say.

Next, surround yourself with good friends who will stick with you through thick and thin. They might not always understand you, but they will stick with you when you think that not taking a bath for two weeks is somehow a good idea, and they aren’t shy about telling you to take one. Expose yourself to them on a daily basis. Don’t shut yourself off. Open up.

Lastly, learn to laugh. Humor is essential to getting better.

I know it isn’t fair. We didn’t get a vote on this. But we are stuck with this hand, and I’d rather listen to the lyrics of a George Carlin album than Pink Floyd’s The Wall any day. The Wall depressed me. Carlin made me laugh hysterically. Guess which one improved my outlook on life?

george carlin

Finally, make your peace with God. I don’t care how you accomplish that, but do it. Once you’ve done so, then try out what a relationship with Him looks like. You’ll be surprised.

Take it from someone who has reached Serenity.

This is possible.

I promise.

Until next time…

Be Real.

Todd Doyle

The Real Middle World

Kuhntiewao- It is the name of the world in which the Truthsayer Chronicles occur. It translates to “Real Middle World.”

The Real Middle World is very important to a Bipolar person. It has taken me a long time to find this place.

Why?

Because I love the mania.

I love the high of being manic. The rush of ideas. The creativity. The flow of happiness. The stream of never-ending joy.

Sound addictive?

It is.

Which, like a hit of cocaine or a shot of heroin, is poisoned bliss.

I can take on the world.

I am invincible.

I can do anything.

And I am the most self-centered, egotistical, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, and obsessive I can be. Yes, I become Gollum.

Gollum

What about the other side?

The Depression can also be addictive.

I love wallowing in my own juices of self-pity, and I can’t do anything. I love to have other people run my life and I just do as little as possible. It’s easy.

What is hard is the Middle Path.

The Middle Way between absolute Bliss and dependent helplessness.

That is the struggle that I have. To live in a world where I’m not too happy nor too sad, but just right. I have to live normally. I have to be stable. I have to be an adult. I have to be responsible for my recovery.

It would be so easy to give up.

To give up my responsibility and simply become a ward of the state. That’s what being on Disability is for me. It’s losing my independence. My sense of self and becoming a statistic in an impossible failing system of welfare and no-care.

I fight against that.

I struggle to not do that.

That is why I am a Master of Kung Fu.

That is why I take pride in my Mastery and identify myself as such. It is my greatest accomplishment. It is the totality of my efforts to say, “No. I will not surrender myself to this disease! I will not give up!”

How many genuine Masters of Kung Fu have you met in your life? 5? 8? or none? Well you’ve met one here.

I’m here to tell you that you can, as a Bipolar, accomplish something of worth in your life. You can be somebody. You can be someone of note and skill.

It takes dedication, persistence, humility, and a willingness to learn.

Find a mentor.

Surround yourself with good friends.

Fill your world with humor.

I’ll talk more about that next post.

Until then…

Be real.

Todd Doyle

Introduction: Who is Todd Doyle?

Cruise photo

Hello,

I am a fifth Degree blackbelt in a Southern Shaolin Kung Fu system called Wuzuquan (Wu-Zu-chen) or translated Five Ancestor Fist. I have been studying it since my first year of college at Ole Miss in 1990. For those of you who do not know about the Martial Arts World, 5th degree is Master Rank. So, Yes, I am a Master of Kung Fu.

Now, Martial Arts is not your average path of life hobbies or even careers. Last I checked and googled statistics, for 2016, 3.58 million people in the US practice Martial Arts. 323 million people are in the US. That’s 10 percent of the people in the US. That’s a large number. However, do not be fooled. Many of those numbers are boosted by kids programs where the child only stays for a minimum of 2-3 years at the most. Very few go on to commit themselves to life-long study.

My Sifu, John Graham Sr, has a saying, out of 100 students, you might get 20 blackbelts. Out of those 20, 15 will move on to 2nd degree. Out of those fifteen, 6 might move to 3rd degree. Out of those 6, 3 will move to 4th Degree. Out of those 3, maybe 2, but most likely 1 will reach Master Rank. It typically takes 22-25 years to reach Master Rank. It’s a numbers game. I reached the rank after 27 years. It’s a matter of persistence. But there’s more to it than just my persistence.

You see, I’m also Bipolar. I had my first episode in 1999, and since then, have been hospitalized at least 4 times. Through all that, I stuck to the kung fu as a means of survival. I used the training as a way to focus my mind and kick out all the (literal) voices in my head. I have been on a number of medications, and as of 2011, found the combination that works the best for me. This is, for most Bipolars, a hard thing to accomplish because most Bipolars do not want to take medication at all. I know I didn’t when I first broke out in my first episode. I thought I could handle things fine once I felt like I had been stable for a while. So I would stop taking the meds. Slowly, my work performance would deteriorate, and I would begin to obsess and become paranoid. Then I would spend money I didn’t have. The world would become solely about me and I wouldn’t be able to think of others at all. In my worst moments, which would last days on end, my mind would make up fictions out of whole cloth, and believe those fictions as if they were reality. I would lose complete confidence in my ability to tell what was real and what wasn’t.

So…I’ve been stable since 2011. I interacted with a Bipolar group, DBSA, here in Memphis, but found myself very frustrated that no one was positive and wanting to be hopeful. While I was on Disability, I hated it. It felt like I was a second-class citizen, relegated to the invisible population that lived on the poverty line as beggars dependent on the government for our very livelihoods. When you are there, you aren’t expected to contribute to society. You aren’t encouraged to chase your dreams. You aren’t told to flourish and grow. Meanwhile, because of my interactions with my Sifu, I was being told to dream, flourish, contribute, and grow. I spoke and speak with him on a daily basis, as he is my primary anti-body against negativity and depression. He is my barometer, along with other close friends who can tell when I start slipping.

I think, what Bipolar people need today, is a hero. That’s what Truthsayer Chronicles is about. The main character of Truthmonk is going to become Bipolar in the course of his growing up. Not only will he be battling the forces of evil and oppression, but also depression and self-hatred. The characters of my series are going to be realistic, despite the Fantasy setting.

So I hope you will join me on this journey, as I chronicle my own life and the development of the Truthsayer Chronicles into a Christian Fantasy series.

Be real.

Todd Doyle